Even Vampires Enjoy A Good Football Game
by AngstyBob
Summary: Mick and Josef watch the NFL championship game.


**Even Vampires Enjoy A Good Football Game**

Even vampires enjoy a good football game, so Josef and Mick were watching the Super Bowl at Mick's apartment

Even vampires enjoy a good football game, so Josef and Mick were watching the Giants and Patriots play in the Super Bowl at Mick's apartment. They were drinking tall glasses of O-positive.

Josef looked around the apartment. "Don't you have any munchies?" he asked.

"There aren't a whole lot of recipes for snacks that we'd be able to eat," Mick answered. "Trust me. I spent a couple of hours searching the Internet - nothing."

"You could've invited some lovely young ladies over for a drink, if you know what I mean. What kind of a Super Bowl party doesn't have munchies?"

"Shut up and drink your blood, Josef."

They watched the game in silence for a while, and the cameras focused in on the head coach on the Patriot's sideline. He was wearing his trademark sweatshirt with half of the sleeves torn off.

"You know Bill Belichick is a vampire," Josef said.

"You're shittin' me!," said Mick.

"I am _not _shitting you," exclaimed Josef. What did you think the secret to the Patriots having such a dynasty is, talent?"

"Well, yeah," Mick answered.

"No, no, no. It's not talent. It's not 'spygate'. Belichick simply sends his dark legions over to the opposing team's hotel the night before a game and has them partially drain key players while they're sleeping. The players feel like crap the next day, and the Patriots win. It's as simple as that".

"Wow, and to think most of us believe that hard work, perseverance and heart were the keys to success in football".

"Well, the heart does have something to do with it…"

"Shut up and drink your blood, Josef".

One of the new commercials came on. It was a beer commercial, and both Mick and Josef's jaws dropped in surprise as they saw that a vampire was the central character. The vamp was holding a can of beer. He opened his mouth, revealing his fangs, exclaiming "I vant to drink your Bud!" He sunk his fangs into the can, and beer sprayed out, soaking the vamp's face.

"That's messed up!" cried Mick. "That kind of commercial plays to the stereotype of vampires being dorky guys who will bite just about anything".

"I agree," said Josef. "I think I know how those caveman guys felt about the Geico commercials".

Mick was furious. "I'm writing a letter to the network!"

"What are you going to say?" asked Josef. "I'm a _real_ vampire, and I'm pissed off at how we were portrayed in the Budweiser ad?"

Mick sat in silence for a moment, fuming. "Shut up and drink your blood, Josef".

They watched the game for a while, then Mick said, "You know, I don't think I've ever seen an athlete as alive and vital as Tom Brady".

Josef looked at Mick. "Do you have a crush on Tom Brady?"

"I don't have a crush on him. I'm just saying you can almost feel the life-force burning inside him".

"You have a man-crush on Tom Brady!"

"I do _not_ have a man-crush on Tom Brady!"

"Man crush! Man crush!"

Mick gives Josef a swift kick to the shin.

"Ouch! That hurt, asshole!" Josef pulled up his pant leg where a crescent-shaped gash was already beginning to heal.

"So quit giving me crap about Tom Brady! Are you saying that if he held his neck out for you, _you _wouldn't bite it?

Josef thought for a moment. "I wouldn't bite _him_. I'd go for his supermodel girlfriend, Gisele".

"So very typical of you, Josef. Shut up and drink your blood".

The game played on, and Mick and Josef watched as the Giants gave the Patriots all they could handle.

Josef spoke up. "You know, I was at the first Super Bowl".

"Really?" Mick asked.

"Yeah. Did you know Vince Lombardi was a vampire?"

"You've _got_ to be shittin' me!" Mick exclaimed.

"Yeah, I'm shittin' you," Josef admitted. Mick punched Josef in the arm, knocking him off the couch.

The game finally ended with the Giants beating the Patriots, and it was clear that Mick was upset.

"Angry that your boyfriend didn't win?" asked Josef.

Mick had had enough. "That's it – get out!" He grabbed Josef by the arm and led him to the door and out into the hallway.

"What's the matter? Can't you take a joke?"

Josef' didn't get an answer. The door slammed in his face. "Sore loser," he grumbled as he walked toward the elevator.

Mick turned the TV off and walked over to the refrigerator. He opened the door and looked inside, but even the bottles, plastic bags and tubes full of blood held no appeal for him in his current mood. He slammed the fridge door shut and went upstairs. He undressed and climbed into his freezer, but sleep didn't come quickly. And when it did, his dreams were haunted by visions of fake vampires biting into beer cans, and Tom Brady prancing around, head cocked to one side, holding his neck out to him and taunting him, yelling "Catch me if you can!"


End file.
